2010

2010
My initial reaction would have been,not a good year.

But then I pause and think. Really? Was it really a bad year? Because it seems to be the year God showed up for me the most.

God helped me. Through perhaps the most turbulent periods of my young life. The fact that I am still here, standing, alive, well, means that something went right this year. Because you can't really know salvation until you are at the point of total helplessness. I think back to the days when I was just...sad. I did not know how I would get through the day. I would lock my room door and just cry. Tears in the morning, at the middle of the night, in the afternoon. And I know now that God really did save me.

Somehow or the other, He put me together enough to study and finish well. Only He could have done that really, because all the signs pointed towards my inability.

I appreciate anew the fact that before you can really enjoy the good, you must have tasted the bad. Me, I wallowed in it for a while. But even when I could not see Him,or feel Him, or when I could not talk to Him, He was always there.

In 2010, God covered my shame. Many times when I was doing stupid things that would have ruined my name or destroyed me, He covered me. He did not allow the world to see my struggles, my falls. Times when my stupidity was too obvious, He still covered me. He gave me multiple chances. So many that I lost count. He showed me what He meant by His mercies being new every morning. To me, the least deserving of men.

He answered my prayers. This could not have been because of my good works, because I had no good works really. I seemed to botch that one everytime. It could not have been that. He is just like that you see. He'll be your friend when you're not His, and He'll be there till the very end.

And so in 2011 I have no resolutions. No grand plan to do this or not do that. Nope. I have one goal and one goal only. To simply live. Jesus said, that He has come, so we might have life, and have it more abundantly. Well, that abundant life is what I seek. I just want to live. And I will. God helping me, I will.

I cannot thank You enough, but I will do the best I can.