December 8. 5:43pm.
I am where I am. Had a weird couple of nights, where it was hard to seperate dream from reality. Actually had a 5min conversation and the only part of it I remember was when he said he would get off the phone so I could go sleep. Amazing.
Now I have the utmost respect for those who suffer because of cheating husbands. I'm amazed at those who cope with illegitimate children. I have greater compassion for the girl or boy who cuts himself, in an effort to be free of pain. I now see that there are some kinds of pain much stronger than the physical, because I would welcome with open arms the period pains I used to suffer, if it ll rid me of that which hurt my soul...
So yeah, for almost two days, I think I've been somewhat stable. I have tried to ignore those emotions that I know could destroy me. I know that eventually I will have to face them, but right now I do not have the strength. I just really want to focus on living. I seem to also appreciate the fact that life is too short to take on the crap that some people dish out, like really, life is tooo short, and goodness, I'm sick of caring. Cos caring is what hurts you the most. Caring is what gives people the impression that they can do what they like.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I hope I don't fall back again. I don't wanna hate oh Lord. I don't want to get to that point. I just want to live. Please help me live.
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