Randomish...

I'm rather disgusted with myself at the moment. I think the worse kind of offences are the ones which u know are wrong, and u have no justification for them, but you do them anyway. So now I'm wondering, why? Why not just..well, not do it? Why do we make wrong choices knowing fully well that the consequences will be bad? Do I chuck it up to carelessness, stupidity, or just the recalcitrant human nature? I don't know. I wonder how God does it. We mess up terribly, but somehow He is still interested in forgiveness. Don't mean there won't be consequences though, and that is what I'm kinda worried about.

Sometimes I don't like the person I'm becoming, the habits I'm picking up. I hate that one experience could be sooo far reaching as to affect me so deeply. All I can do is try, fight, struggle to be better. But what if this willingness to fight is but an emotion that will be swept away? Emotions are so fickle. I want something stronger, more meaningful.

I'm really sorry. Lord pls help me.