June thoughts...

Its the month of June

Thank you Lord God, that I am still joined to all the living. So I still have hope. Afterall, a living dog is indeed better than a dead lion. Thank you merciful Lord.

Few things hurt like having to do something you loathe. But in the circumstance, you have no choice. Not in the moment anyway. So you keep doing it, as infrequently as possible, only out of sheer necessity. But you let it propel you to work hard. So that you can be free from that bondage of helplessness. One day,soon, you'll be free. One day, you'll look at him, smile and say, 'Its not necessary. Thanks anyway.'

Speaking of work. The month of June is here. Bar finals. I'm on the precipice of freaking out. Its dawning on me again. That feeling that comprises part-dread, part pity for yourself, part excitment. Pity because I know that sleep has gone from being a luxury to a necessity. It is time to do this. Properly. Cos after the month of June comes the beginning of the end.


Thank you so much Father. I don't know how you put up with me. I am getting sick and tired of me. So I have no idea how You do it. Something has to give. Kai...something has to give.

Good morning, wonderful Captain of my salvation.

Sleep calls...Busy day ahead.

One step closer to this dream of mine:2

Yesterday was a good day. Stressful, hot, cold, with its own disappointments...a really good day.

We went to Ibadan for a hearing at the appeal court. Myself, Lola, BAI and Doyin. For the fear of being late, I was too early at the pick-up point, but I was just happy I wasn't late. The biggest let-down was that we came all that way, with BAI preparing through the night, only for the Judges to postpone. It was the most insensitive thing. Wasn't like they were so booked for that day. As BAI said, they have no restraint, no consequence. Hence they can do whatever they want. Consequence is the only restraint on human conduct. But Nigeria has little or no sense of that. The Almighty God will judge.

But it wasn't all bad. We went to visit BAI's friend's farm. It was an awesome experience. And to think I was considering putting down my thoughts on my future farm dream, only for me to see one in real life! The land is massive, the work only just beginning. The air was so clean...pure and undiluted, without the fumes of city life. Myself and Lola were totally feeling it. Mr. Jackson took us on a tour. There would be 7 ponds, the orchard, the animal farm. They would rare cattle, grow all manner of things....I loved it! I absolutely loved it. By God's grace, I will be back there. I would love to see everything growing. One day, everything needed for food will be found on the farm. It would be unnecessary to buy anything. It was like a confirmation of this dream of mine. That was the highlight of yesterday for me.
I also got to see BAI's house when we dropped him at home. And quite a house it is! A true beauty. He has a lovely family, and I couldn't help praying that God would keep them together, whole, strong, happy and heaven-bound.

What is it about SCP that appeals to me? That makes the stress and the work worthwhile?
It could be because they are different....from another stock...and I can relate to being different.

One step closer to this dream...these dreams of mine.

Saying things as they are...

I am tall.

I've never really thought about it. I always knew I was tall, people would wonder at how tall I am. But I haven't actually thought of myself as tall...until recently. I told a friend I was about 6 ft tall. He was awed. I was pleased.
Now I'm gonna state things as they are. It may come off as blowing my own trumpet, but don't get it twisted. It really is just the way it is....lol...

I'm a tall black woman, the only one of my kind. I cause some to wonder, others to cower.
I'm beautiful, with a large forehead, lovely lips, liquid eyes.
Those eyes...they carry many expressions, many emotions.
Those lips...full of deep secrets...quite a puzzle...yes they are.
I have a marvellous frame....exquisitely crafted.
Broad toned shoulders, long arms, big brown legs. I have plains in the proper places, and magnificent curves to compliment them.

I forgot who I was, this wondrous creation of a phenomenal God. I met a vessel, and the only words she ever spoke to me were, 'Stand tall, be proud'.

I am a tall black woman, with deep rooted passions buried under the shroud of modesty. I am a woman of means, a woman of wit, a woman of candour. There is none like me, none that can be me. I am the show-case of divine power, a product of incomparable design.

I am me. black. strong. woman. me.

One step closer to this dream of mine...

Day 1, SCP

Mr Dapo is the first oga around, and our group leader is late.
Finally we are all in...all 11 of us, plus a prospective other to make us 12...double the amount they had to deal with last time...hehehe...
Mr Dapo comes for the introduction. And quite an introduction it is. We shall work ehn? I would squirm on a normal day, seeing that exam-related work still awaits me. But this is what I want. So how to make it work is the question.
Debola comes to show us the ropes. Deji comes to show us another angle of the ropes. Then we go to our office...at least the number of us that can fit into it.
Wait...our number might just be a good thing...two days off...two whole days!!! There is a God in heaven.
So knowing that closing time is at 6, its off to work with me. You hardly even know when its 6 o clock in this place...people don't ever seem to be ready to leave. But my Ma's incessant calls bring me back to reality..its getting late, and it looks like rain!
So I step out of the office, and the clouds are very angry...
Lord please hold the rain...but apparently Jehovah had other plans. The first drop hits me...oh dear..I haven't even gotten a bike yet. When I eventually get one at a ridiculous price, its raining now. Like proper rain. And my only protection is my pashmina. By golly, the rain feels like pins of ice pricking my skin.
*sigh*..one step closer to this dream of mine. Lord please I cannot fall sick on my first day. This is what I want, so its okay...sacrifice for the dream, all of that.
I finally get to the bus park, and I am pretty soaked. Then there's a queue...fantastic. Thankfully the rain has let up, and as I stand on the queue I dry off a tiny bit. But alas! My only source of warmth is now very cold. Into the a/c bus I go, and I only hope the Lord takes me home without a dreadful ailment. The bus is cooooold. Attempts to shut the vent were unsuccessful. A most uncomfortable ride, to say the least.
I finally get home at almost 10 o clock, and all I have energy for is warm clothes and my bed.
Great first day, wouldn't you say?

Day2
First day is over and done with. Today, Bimbo asked us to help with research. Somehow 'us' became just 'me', and I spent almost the whole day looking for authorities that seemed non existent! One time when I thought I was making progress, I realised it wasn't that much to work with. Nothing as frustrating as hitting a brick wall.
No worries though, when I settle in properly, these people will have my time.

Day 3
Another library day. Research isn't one of my favourite things, but at this rate it will be my love by force. When am I gonna see Prof. Yemi and Mr. Irukera? They have not been around since I got in. Plus I'm pretty behind on my file quota for the week. At this rate, I won't finish in time, with all these ancilliary duties that keep coming up. Finally, the two geniuses come in...no time to say hi though...they are pretty busy.

Hmm...apparently I won't have to wait till next week to make myself heard. Thanks to Bimbo, and Ikem, and my big mouth, I have a task....*deep breath*...this is it!

All in all, my first week was not bad. Sometimes its surreal...I can't believe I'm here! But thank God I am.
Now every moment must count. All the stress, the rain, the frustration, the work, everything brings me another step closer to this dream of mine...

Thank you Jesus...You are my hope of glory, and its You and me all the way.