broken(5)

It’s over.
I have formed the habit of putting down feelings, emotions, times of meaning as they happen to me.
So right now, i announce to you, dear non-existent followers, that it is over. Not like it was not over before, now there’s this finality that I must come to terms with, the fact that I am now on my own again. Single. Without my City Love.
When does it hit you? Like really hit you when stuff happens? It can’t be when you hear it. Sometimes its before you hear it, or after. I think that I am sad now, but it has not fully sunk in yet. This promises to be yet another sleepless night. My head hurts already. Maybe from tears, or from insufficient food, I’m not so sure.
This has got to be my biggest challenge yet. That day in 2006, January, when I got the call from my dad that I was admitted into this school, who would have known that I would be spending my final months struggling to finish, while nursing a broken heart.
Well, i guess that is life. I cannot help but be amused a bit at how things have turned out. It’s the strangest thing, how I go from wondering at my lack of challenges to having a good number of them.
I heard his voice again today. It was the closest thing to normal I had heard in a while. He decided to bear the hurt and be straight with me. That I really appreciate. The enormity of my love for him, who will ever fully understand it? Even I do not fully understand it. But I have to live with it. Lock it up in my heart. Struggle not to do anything about it but pray. Hope to God that it will all work out.
Nothing more seems to come to mind at the moment. The headache reminds me of its presence. I need to try to refrain from thinking. I need to stay away from all reminders. I need to focus on school work, remembering that he wants me to focus. I want to make him proud at the end of these two months.
Dear Lord, King of the Universe. You see my heart. You see my thoughts. Have mercy on us both. Keep him safe and secure. Let him find You and be happy. Teach me to be still in my mind. Help me through this Lord, so that I do not do anything drastic. Please, help me.
Still sad, still broken.