so far...

As far as days go, today has to be one of the toughest I have had, and boy, have I had some really tough days. First off, I did not sleep. At all. I can’t really remember closing my eyes. Maybe at the break of dawn I drifted a bit, but for the most part, I was awake, and unable to do anything really. I could not even attend my classes. Tried drowning my sorrows, but that did not really work. Tried to find some kind of respite with him, but lets just say that turned out like dynamite. It blew up in my face. I said things. He said things. I was a basket case o! Kai! Anyways, it was not all bad. That I can type this blog should tell you that it was not all bad. Because if it was, my head would still be buried in my tear-soaked pillow.
I talked with EO, and I realised that I have been selfish. And totally irrational/overly emotional. And unwilling, or unable to think. But after today, the gruelling roller coaster ride that I initiated, I have no other solution but to think. To really think. Because this is not a joke. It’s a real life situation, with hearts and lives involved.
So I will be categorising my thoughts into four parts: God, myself, him, family (this will encompass his and mine). I figure anything outside these categories is not important.
I think I have said some things so many times, I’m beginning to sound like a broken record. Things like I’m sorry, I want to be with you, I don’t know how to be without you anymore, forgive me, blah, blah, blah. My listeners and non-existent followers are probably rolling their eyes at all the repetition, so I will try to cut down a bit.
A really serious issue that I face now is school work. Stabbing class. Not up to date with a lot of my work. Project is not doing so great either. I have less than 60 days, and then it will all be over. Not to mention that I have a possible test tomorrow, at 8.a.m. Am I going to go deeper into all the bad feelings trying to suck me in? Or am I going to pull through somehow?
I need encouragement from the people that count. I need a little love and support. I need to sleep. Lord, please grant me sleep tonight.