Thinking.

So I did not break down after all. Thanks be to God. I had only garri yesterday, and I’ve had only bits of bread today.
But that’s beside the point.
I have been thinking. Heck, that’s all I’ve been doing for a while now.
As I go through the days, as I try to lay aside sadness and focus, I’m starting to see things clearly. Bit by bit.
You know how some people know what they want to do with themselves once they are out of school? Like they have a career plan and life plan and stuff. Well, I’m not one of those people. However, when I saw my role model yesterday (yes, I have a role model now!) some things started to click. I won’t be telling you all of it though. There are some things that have to happen first before you talk about them, you know? But I’m starting to get a slight idea of the kind of career person I want to be. And I have put the wheels in motion to achieve it, so help me God.
I realised another thing today. When I grow up and Lord willing, I have children (with a husband of course!), I would love for my babies (they will still be my babies when they turn 25) to be able to talk to me. Tell me anything. Good, bad and ugly if necessary. I realised how important it is to me to be as open as possible. Maybe its because right now I cannot be totally open with certain people about the stuff I’m going through, and I don’t want my future family like that. I want my babies, husband inclusive, to be able to cry on my shoulder, to tell me those things that really hurt them, and for me to be able to do the same.
As for the husband, I’m not looking for tall, dark and handsome, or some crap like that. I Just want a guy that loves God. Because I figure that if he really loves God, everything else will be sorted. As for everything else, hmm... he has to be able to look in my eyes and really see me. He has to be able to scold me well, and through it all I still feel his love. He has to have good hands. His hands must get me. Sounds weird right? Maybe I’m just dreaming. It’s okay to dream. Dreaming never hurt anyone. Hopefully, I will read this blog with him one day. I will look into his eyes and smile, and he will smile right back.