Never again.

A little while ago, as i was walking down the road, i tried to focus on all the sights and sounds around me. To enjoy the sound of the moving vehicles, people chattering, the blaring horns, the swishing leaves. Because those sounds gave me more peace than my thoughts.
i have realized that things are not always as they seem.And people are not always what you believe them to be, and as for yourself, well, you just might wake up tommorrow and be shocked.

Yesterday, i felt like i was dying. Literally, like my body was doing strange things, not listening to my instructions. My mind was not in a much better place, because i felt so horribly twisted, so bent out of shape. it's the kind of feeling that cannot really be explained. In my pain, i reached out to the one person who promised to always be there, and he was not. I am still amazed at how easy it is for him to ignore, to decide that it does not mean a thing, to read those words and continue with his life, like all is right with the world.
i used to fancy myself as one with some kind of influence, some sort of impact. Apparently i had little or no impact in this case, as it was quite easy to turn away.

One thing is sure though, that as long as i remain, i will never let anyone have this kind of power over me again. the kind that can leave me feeling so helpless, leave me aching for just one word.
i gave you that power, and when i needed you the most, you threw it in my face.

Never again.