In my life, there are some battles i have been spared from because some other people fought them for me. Some fights that i did not have to face because someone else had toiled and suffered so that i would not have to suffer. I guess that makes me blessed in areas that others have to struggle with. It also put me in a default mode, a place where i did not have to struggle much with what was right and what was wrong. At least not until now.
Default mode is over. I am learning, the hard way, that i am as human as the next person. I cannot fully understand the backgrounds of other people, the mistakes of some, the humanity of everyone. But i am learning.Learning that everyone, almost no one is like me. We have different backgrounds, yes, but we do have a common humanity. I am learning a lot these days.
God says that those who honor Him will be honored, but those who dishonor Him will be disdained. I have dishonored God in many ways in the past weeks. I have said things, done things that are directly against His will. I have gone on a voyage of discovery on my own, which has led me into a lot of discomfort. I have been a hearing Christian, a thinking-about-it Christian, just not a doing Christian, which is what really counts. I have dubbed myself savior without even realizing. i have forgotten that it is only God that changes people, not anything i do or say, because i am only human, like everybody else. i assume that God is a quick-fix kind of God, where i mess up, then trouble comes along, i run to Him, then run back out. I have forgotten that he honors those who honor Him. i have forgotten alot of things.
Someone fought many battles so that i will not have to fight, and i will try to do the same for my own children, but there are battles of my own that i must contend with.The enemy within that i must defeat. There are things i must discover, there are heights i must reach. Everyone will give account of himself to God.
All this nonsense has got to stop.
Forgive me Father, for i have sinned.
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