I hope I was able to salvage the situation I created. I went on a rather insightful visit today. I learnt quite a bit. And I did what I said I would, I contacted 'him'.
Choice. That’s what it is. Choice. Sometimes we choose to do things because they feel good. Sometimes because we honestly do no believe that there is any other way. Sometimes it’s because we feel like we do not have the power to do anything else. But there’s always a choice. So maybe I need to start making good choices, not because they feel good. But because they are right.
I also learnt that you can never fully know a person, not in the space of two years anyways and not if they don’t want you to fully know them. But you can find out some things, some by looking at them, some by talking to them. I did not know everything about him, and it still hurts that there are some things that I still do not know, that he did not share. But there are also things that I do know. Like how strong a person I got. How considerate. How terribly human, and how much of a thinker he is. I really do appreciate that. But then knowing someone is not a one way street. And everyone does have a choice. Even the ‘simple’ people with seemingly no experience with complications. Some just appear simple, but have things buried deep within, waiting for the right time to dig it up or just leave it be.
In the meantime, I have a good deed to carry out. I have lots of work to do. I have a mind I need to set straight. I have a body I need to take care of. I Have a God that I need to talk to.
It really is time to move on. Hopefully, I will sleep tonight, and some secrets will sleep with me, remaining buried in the deepest recesses of my mind.