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Oops! I did it again.

Blog number 24. Dedicated to stupid decisions, silly reasons, bad consequences.
Dear diary,
I have done it again. You know that bad habit i told you about? I’m there again. And literally, its breaking me up. Health wise, mind wise, everything wise. Once upon a time, there was one person who reined it in, without really knowing that he did. He is not here anymore, and I am doing horribly on my own. I thought today if he would care if my heart was closing up. I really can’t find too much inspiration to stay away from that which can kill me. But day by day, the more I do it, the more dangerous it gets, the more weakened I am.
I have no appetite at the moment. I have had real food only once in three days. If this is not a sign of a problem, what is? Perhaps it’s my back, my throat, my chest, speaking to me, crying out that I should stop before I actually bring an end to all this. Or before I totally wreck my system. It would appear that I have a knack for torturing myself. It’s crazy, because usually people want to stay clear of torture, not open the door and walk right into it.
That little pep talk we had, did not do much. But right now, I am on a path which only you can put an end to. And I am not even joking.
The lady is losing it. Cheers.