December 14, 8:46pm
No, this blog has nothing to do with the title. But that's the word I have been hearing all day, and its pronounced affideyvit, not affidahfit..so there...
If there is one place which I do not want to be in, right now, it is the Nigerian Law School, Lagos Campus, Victoria Island. I want to be at the Redemption Camp! Holy Ghost Congress...*sigh*...the sights, sounds, everything would have been so pleasantly distracting from my life at the moment...*sigh again*... Ah well, I can console myself that If Jesus tarries, and by His grace, I ll be out of law school, and quite free to attend by next year.
I am in a state of mind which I cannot really explain. I'm not happy, or sad, definately not chirpy. I prefer to be on my own, easily irritated by too much talk. I miss the weekends when I was all alone with my thoughts. I feel like I'm getting more sensible. No more do I take it too personal, the fact that my opinion may not mean all that much to some people. I mean hey, to everyone his life and his choices. All that self-deluding crap that I was deceiving myself with, that Oh I have some 'special power' of conviction and appeal and some sort of influence existed only in my pain-saturated mind,cos the truth of the matter is, people don't get convinced, unless they want to be convinced. And of course unless the Holy Spirit convicts them. So wetin consain me consain monkey wey wan jump for river?
Anywayz, I want Chinese rice o! But I can't afford it. I'm as broke as broke itself. Thankfully I have some business coming in this holiday, so I should be okay by the end of Christmas. In the meantime...the monthly visitor announces her arrival...And I am hungry!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Sink or Swim?
Dec 12. 10:32pm
I find it quite satisfying, that as time progresses, the less I care about some people. Not like I cease to care about their existence, but that which they do means less to me. What helps the process along is knowing that they think they have some sort of power...if only they knew. Life is way too short to put up with all the bullocks people dish out. Way too short.
Church was pretty cool today. Even though I was practically frozen, the message was still on point. Pastor Paul,spoke about wealth. Not wealth as in just money, but deeper stuff. Power Choices. Power Personalities. It encouraged me to let go of all d mediocrity in my life and hook myself up with...power. I figured the best place to start is with the biggest power Personality ever...
Today was an okay kinda day. Not spectacular, but okay. And I have some thoughts flowing through my mind. Foremost among these is the question: When will I be free? Because it is not a question of if I will ever be free. That's the fate of those who have no hope and have enslaved themselves to a life of misery. Me? I don't do misery very well. I've had my share of it, for too long, and I gotta tell you, it sucked.
So my question is, when will I be free? When will I walk down the street and not have to shove a thought aside, or force myself to look away? When will I be able to wake up in the morning, and begin my day without having to encourage myself? When will I be able to write a blog, like a nice long ramble on some issue, and not have to wonder about one time in the far past?
I know its within my reach. As the days go by, I want it more. Sometimes the shadows prevail, but just for a while. I'm not interested in moving on. That's a term the whole world uses, which means nothing to me. No, I have greater goals than that. By the time I'm done, even I will not be able to recognise me anymore, and the past will be what it was meant to be all along...past and forgotten, a temporary bridge to the future.
Pastor Paul said power choices create power habits which will produce a power culture... I'm all for the power now...
I find it quite satisfying, that as time progresses, the less I care about some people. Not like I cease to care about their existence, but that which they do means less to me. What helps the process along is knowing that they think they have some sort of power...if only they knew. Life is way too short to put up with all the bullocks people dish out. Way too short.
Church was pretty cool today. Even though I was practically frozen, the message was still on point. Pastor Paul,spoke about wealth. Not wealth as in just money, but deeper stuff. Power Choices. Power Personalities. It encouraged me to let go of all d mediocrity in my life and hook myself up with...power. I figured the best place to start is with the biggest power Personality ever...
Today was an okay kinda day. Not spectacular, but okay. And I have some thoughts flowing through my mind. Foremost among these is the question: When will I be free? Because it is not a question of if I will ever be free. That's the fate of those who have no hope and have enslaved themselves to a life of misery. Me? I don't do misery very well. I've had my share of it, for too long, and I gotta tell you, it sucked.
So my question is, when will I be free? When will I walk down the street and not have to shove a thought aside, or force myself to look away? When will I be able to wake up in the morning, and begin my day without having to encourage myself? When will I be able to write a blog, like a nice long ramble on some issue, and not have to wonder about one time in the far past?
I know its within my reach. As the days go by, I want it more. Sometimes the shadows prevail, but just for a while. I'm not interested in moving on. That's a term the whole world uses, which means nothing to me. No, I have greater goals than that. By the time I'm done, even I will not be able to recognise me anymore, and the past will be what it was meant to be all along...past and forgotten, a temporary bridge to the future.
Pastor Paul said power choices create power habits which will produce a power culture... I'm all for the power now...
Saturday, December 11, 2010
hello bloggerville!
December 12, 1:17am
What a day I had yesterday! I went for the wedding as planned, and I came back with a bin full of stuff...literally! I have never gotten so many souvenirs, or eaten so much, at one wedding...Was quite fun hanging with the boys though, lots of laughs and all.
It is quite safe to say I spent the better part of this weekend lazing around...hopefully I will be able to get some work done later today.
Today is my sister's anniversay! See how time travels...with no thought or care for what you are doing with it. Time simply speeds right by, and at the end, you are left wondering where it went, or regretting why you did not use it properly. Its been quite a year for my big sis, and I pray its only the beginning of greater things to come.
In my journey through survival, I'm not too sure of where exactly I am at the moment. But today, I remembered and intensely missed our quiet midnight conversations. I imagined how my phone would ring, and we would chat on about all kinds of stuff. You would scold me about all the cold stuff I should not have had at the wedding, and I would ask if you had read your Open Heavens today. You would ask me to tell you how I love you, and I would assure you that I do, with all my heart.
I read, or heard somewhere that, and I'm paraphrasing, you should not focus on all the things that made you sad in a particular experience. Better to think about the things that made you happy. Maybe that's what my mind is trying to do, or maybe I just need to remember, and focus on these things, so I can sleep at night...somehow..
There are too many maybe's in my life. I need to eliminate them to the barest minimum.
its time to go to bed, so I can get up in time for church, though the early service isn't looking very likely...
What a day I had yesterday! I went for the wedding as planned, and I came back with a bin full of stuff...literally! I have never gotten so many souvenirs, or eaten so much, at one wedding...Was quite fun hanging with the boys though, lots of laughs and all.
It is quite safe to say I spent the better part of this weekend lazing around...hopefully I will be able to get some work done later today.
Today is my sister's anniversay! See how time travels...with no thought or care for what you are doing with it. Time simply speeds right by, and at the end, you are left wondering where it went, or regretting why you did not use it properly. Its been quite a year for my big sis, and I pray its only the beginning of greater things to come.
In my journey through survival, I'm not too sure of where exactly I am at the moment. But today, I remembered and intensely missed our quiet midnight conversations. I imagined how my phone would ring, and we would chat on about all kinds of stuff. You would scold me about all the cold stuff I should not have had at the wedding, and I would ask if you had read your Open Heavens today. You would ask me to tell you how I love you, and I would assure you that I do, with all my heart.
I read, or heard somewhere that, and I'm paraphrasing, you should not focus on all the things that made you sad in a particular experience. Better to think about the things that made you happy. Maybe that's what my mind is trying to do, or maybe I just need to remember, and focus on these things, so I can sleep at night...somehow..
There are too many maybe's in my life. I need to eliminate them to the barest minimum.
its time to go to bed, so I can get up in time for church, though the early service isn't looking very likely...
Friday, December 10, 2010
The weirdest thing...
I'm watching dear John...well, not really watching,but watching sha. I got to the point where they had fallen in love, and he came back home, and had to decide whether to go back into the army after 9/11, or stay with the love of his life. And she obviously didn't want him to go, but I guess she decided he should, but not before she gave him her most intimate gift.
At that point, I started to cry. I don't even know where it came from, but I was weeping, and I thought, why? Why did she not just hold on? Why didn't they do it right? It woulda been much more beautiful, more precious if they did it right,got married first, waited, held on,something.
Why does no one do it right anymore? Why is no one interested in that anymore? Why can't we just wait? As hard as it is. Maybe its because we don't set our eyes on the prize...I really don't understand it. Was like I was weeping for their love, so very beautiful, so worth the wait. But maybe they did not know better. It was like I was weeping for my lost love, wishing I could turn back time, make things right again. I remember that lovely beach party evening. As hard as it was, we tried. Like we had a goal, something we were looking forward to, a dream we were nursing, waiting for it to grow and flourish.
I think this movie is making me all mushy...I don't know...Will this love survive? Will I look into your eyes one day and be able to say it was all worth it?
Gen has gone off...bedtime is here. Happy first kiss anniversary...
At that point, I started to cry. I don't even know where it came from, but I was weeping, and I thought, why? Why did she not just hold on? Why didn't they do it right? It woulda been much more beautiful, more precious if they did it right,got married first, waited, held on,something.
Why does no one do it right anymore? Why is no one interested in that anymore? Why can't we just wait? As hard as it is. Maybe its because we don't set our eyes on the prize...I really don't understand it. Was like I was weeping for their love, so very beautiful, so worth the wait. But maybe they did not know better. It was like I was weeping for my lost love, wishing I could turn back time, make things right again. I remember that lovely beach party evening. As hard as it was, we tried. Like we had a goal, something we were looking forward to, a dream we were nursing, waiting for it to grow and flourish.
I think this movie is making me all mushy...I don't know...Will this love survive? Will I look into your eyes one day and be able to say it was all worth it?
Gen has gone off...bedtime is here. Happy first kiss anniversary...
Gosh...I miss unilag.
I'm chilling by myself, done with my movie, and I stumble on some videos from the beach party... And I realise that I miss my University days..a lot.
I miss the class of 10, every single crazy person that made up the class. I miss the laughs, the fun. I miss the hostel, my roommates. I miss Rosemary. I miss my friends in abuja and enugu and Kano. Seeing everyone brings back such good memories, and I realise that I had a really cool University experience.
I recall in particular how the day of the beach party ended... When I found a way to meet up with him, and we just hung out...was a perfect end to a cool day..Really cool..*sigh*
I guess you could call this my mini trip down memory lane...a luxury I afford myself sometimes, but I have to relish that moment and not link it to the present, because right now...things are different.
I'm chilling by myself, done with my movie, and I stumble on some videos from the beach party... And I realise that I miss my University days..a lot.
I miss the class of 10, every single crazy person that made up the class. I miss the laughs, the fun. I miss the hostel, my roommates. I miss Rosemary. I miss my friends in abuja and enugu and Kano. Seeing everyone brings back such good memories, and I realise that I had a really cool University experience.
I recall in particular how the day of the beach party ended... When I found a way to meet up with him, and we just hung out...was a perfect end to a cool day..Really cool..*sigh*
I guess you could call this my mini trip down memory lane...a luxury I afford myself sometimes, but I have to relish that moment and not link it to the present, because right now...things are different.
Entry..again...for lack of a better title.
December 10. 7:52pm
Its another quiet evening by myself. I enjoy these evenings, usually during the weekends, because I'm free. I can sleep, read, dance, cry, generally do whatever I please. I'm even getting quite comfortable moving about in my birthday suit...Initially the weather was too hot for any other options, but when the light condition kinda improved, I was already comfortable in it. I mean, it is quite a stunning work of art, if I do say so myself...
Anyways, I had some chinese dinner, and I want to watch a movie, but the laptop isn't coorporating, so maybe I ll read a novel, as recommended by the delectable Mrs Odusote...
Yay! Laptop just came on! Now to chose a movie. But first, I want to talk about my best lecturer in the law school so far.
Mrs Gbemisola Odusote is my Property Law practice lecturer. There are three of them actually, but one reason I like her best is because she seems least interested among the lot in killing us...the others try by rambling on and on till we have barely enough strength to sit up. The Head of the department I don't really like because she is rude to her subordinate.
Anyway, Mrs Odusote is tall, a a little fairer than I am,quite good looking. And she hardly ever smiles. But she is such a good teacher. Very interested in us getting what she is saying.understanding what she teaches. She is pretty funny, down to earth, and she is time conscious...very few people in that department have that quality. For some reason, this lady helped me to like the course, encourages me to read it and be good at it. Maybe somehow she looks like what I could be when I'm her age, perhaps with more smiles. I just really think she is very cool, and I hope I get to meet her in person.
Now its back to my movie, and I hope I can get some worl done before the night expires...
Its another quiet evening by myself. I enjoy these evenings, usually during the weekends, because I'm free. I can sleep, read, dance, cry, generally do whatever I please. I'm even getting quite comfortable moving about in my birthday suit...Initially the weather was too hot for any other options, but when the light condition kinda improved, I was already comfortable in it. I mean, it is quite a stunning work of art, if I do say so myself...
Anyways, I had some chinese dinner, and I want to watch a movie, but the laptop isn't coorporating, so maybe I ll read a novel, as recommended by the delectable Mrs Odusote...
Yay! Laptop just came on! Now to chose a movie. But first, I want to talk about my best lecturer in the law school so far.
Mrs Gbemisola Odusote is my Property Law practice lecturer. There are three of them actually, but one reason I like her best is because she seems least interested among the lot in killing us...the others try by rambling on and on till we have barely enough strength to sit up. The Head of the department I don't really like because she is rude to her subordinate.
Anyway, Mrs Odusote is tall, a a little fairer than I am,quite good looking. And she hardly ever smiles. But she is such a good teacher. Very interested in us getting what she is saying.understanding what she teaches. She is pretty funny, down to earth, and she is time conscious...very few people in that department have that quality. For some reason, this lady helped me to like the course, encourages me to read it and be good at it. Maybe somehow she looks like what I could be when I'm her age, perhaps with more smiles. I just really think she is very cool, and I hope I get to meet her in person.
Now its back to my movie, and I hope I can get some worl done before the night expires...
Another entry...
December 10. 1:10pm
Sitting in class, my concentration is just about zero...this man has a gift for rambling on and on! My goodness..I haven't eaten any thing proper all day.. A few bites of oreos and some chocolate really doesn't count.
Anywayz, yesterday night ended up the exact opposite of what I could have thought...gosh..
So I was supposed to go dancing, after so many years! I was all kitted up, looking hot and all. Was to see a friend who was going on leave first, then stop off at the dance place. Only, when I told my friend that he would drop me off, he refused! Like he said the only way he would take me there was if Jesus came down from heaven! I could not believe my ears. We dragged this issue ooo, and I ended up not going. Of course I made him pay dearly for this...in the way only I could. And his reasons? I did not agree with it, but I knew it was borne out of the immense love he has for me, so I let it slide. Now I have to find a good reason to give the person who invited me, because the real reason, I will not be saying.
Btw, if living your life involves stabbing someone else in the heart,intentionally, then you are not really living. But then again, it's not that surprising...
Wedding tomorrow! Nothing to wear! I hafta find something...
Tomorrow is a special day...in more ways than one.
Sitting in class, my concentration is just about zero...this man has a gift for rambling on and on! My goodness..I haven't eaten any thing proper all day.. A few bites of oreos and some chocolate really doesn't count.
Anywayz, yesterday night ended up the exact opposite of what I could have thought...gosh..
So I was supposed to go dancing, after so many years! I was all kitted up, looking hot and all. Was to see a friend who was going on leave first, then stop off at the dance place. Only, when I told my friend that he would drop me off, he refused! Like he said the only way he would take me there was if Jesus came down from heaven! I could not believe my ears. We dragged this issue ooo, and I ended up not going. Of course I made him pay dearly for this...in the way only I could. And his reasons? I did not agree with it, but I knew it was borne out of the immense love he has for me, so I let it slide. Now I have to find a good reason to give the person who invited me, because the real reason, I will not be saying.
Btw, if living your life involves stabbing someone else in the heart,intentionally, then you are not really living. But then again, it's not that surprising...
Wedding tomorrow! Nothing to wear! I hafta find something...
Tomorrow is a special day...in more ways than one.
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