clearing my head

The clock is ticking.
Time won’t wait for me to sort myself out, my obligations won’t change because I need to clear my head. But perhaps i will do just that, so that I can move on.
I don’t trust him. The realisation hit me this morning. I don’t know if he has noticed that something is different. Maybe he hasn’t. Maybe I’m a better actress than I give myself credit for. But sitting here, trying to clear my head enough to study, i realise that the trust I felt, inspite of all, is slowly but surely ebbing away.
He has never been a simple straight to the point kind of guy. I think I always knew that. And I was okay with it, because I felt that there were implied rules in our relationship. That he would at least be straight with me, to a good extent. After all, I have let him see some of the deepest hurts of my soul. I have let him see things that a lot of people don’t even know exist. So I always imagined, with all the things he says, the things we have been through, he will be honest with me.
Now, I am not so sure. In fact, I am not sure at all. And I don’t know how long I can hide my distrust. So some way or the other, he has to show me, without knowing that he is showing me, that he is deserving. I need to be convinced. Or before I know it, it would be the end of a great relationship.
I think I am beginning to take shape. In some weird way. I am beginning to have goals, dreams and aspirations. I have passions and dislikes. And I have realised, that one thing which causes me a great deal of pain and discomfort, is when people are not straight with me. People who should know better. So passionate am I about this type of honesty, that the repercussions are far-reaching.

Partnership calls.