A Nightmare seeks to return!

Anyone who is in Nigeria and pays attention to his surroundings knows that it’s election season. Other than the daily prayer for Nigeria, I have not given it too much thought. Not until now anyways. And now its not that I’ve suddenly becoming politically inclined or especially interested, but I came across something that absolutely caught my fancy. Simply put, it was the gall, the effrontery, the audacity of a man, how a person could be so shameless.

I was looking through the TELL Magazine dated September 27 (they produce each one to last for a week), when I saw a special report written by some dude called Tunde Babatunde. This special feature was on Ibrahim Babangida, and his presidential ambition. The obviously well paid sell-out of a reporter took out time and effort to compile all of IBB’s ‘achievements’ when he was in power form 1985 to 1993. This feature, which took half of the magazine was ludicrous! I could not believe what I was reading! This reporter who was either unborn during IBB’s regime, or has suddenly developed selective amnesia, or just cares more for the well being of his pocket than for the future of his children, went on and on about how that period was Nigeria’s ‘golden age’. I thought, this guy has gotta be kidding! He listed the many great things that the tyrant did for this nation, stupid stupid things o, I might add, like development of science and technology, indigenization of the upstream petroleum industry (indeed...), agriculture, a steel plant that hardly even works, blah, blah, blah, things which are of no real consequence to the life and survival of a nation.Dear followers, it was quite a lot of crap that this reporter put up! Rubbish infrastructural facilities that this demon of a man allegedly put in place in Nigeria. Things that add absolutely n value to the well-being of the common man.

This dude had the gall to write that IBB is the best president that Nigerians are expecting. They went and dug up pictures of him with Margaret thatcher,of him laughing gleefully with Obasanjo...who gives a hoot? As if this was not bad enough, this Tunde Babatunde interviewed some mallams, also well paid no doubt, who opened their betraying mouths and were saying hogwash, like how IBB has the ability to rule Nigeria, how he is people oriented, how the masses are yearning for him. God forbid!!!

I wonder why they did not come to the south to get some opinions. The reporter would probably be tied to a stake and lynched.

I cant help wondering, what the heck is going on in that man’s head? Does he think Nigerians have forgotten the disasters which he single-handedly brought upon this land? Does he think we have forgotten the likes of Dele Giwa, and many others, whom he annihilated for speaking the truth? Does he really believe that he can bribe all of us with 5000 naira, which he probably wont even pay, so that we can sell our souls into slavery again? Now I get why some people could not find any pity in their hearts when his wife died. The woman went about doing this program and that movement, things which would have been absolutely unnecessary if her husband was not busy stealing all the nation’s resources.

Nigerians yearn for him a much as they yearn for poverty and death. He is a bigger idiot that I thought if he thinks the people have forgotten...because the people are like the mafia...we never forget. Not this kind of thing anyway. Not a blow that has left our nation crippled. Heck, we still feel the impact of the blow till today. It is obscene and downright insulting for a person like that to rare his head in public, not to mention contesting for the presidency.

Whatever ideas his ‘advisers’ have been feeding him with, whatever is giving him hope that he is not just wasting stolen money on a useless venture, will follow him to his grave and probably convince him that he is no invinsible he can fly.

However, It is between him and God what his judgement will be. In the meantime, his hope for return will not go past that. Hope. Not if we are still a people with reason and memory. And not if there is still a God alive in heaven, ruling in the affairs of men.
This nightmare needs to stay where it belongs: in the past, as a horrible experience which we suffered before, never to repeat itself.

He did it.

He did it.

Finally, I can write about it. It’s almost unbelievable. But God did it. He actually did it for me! Wow...I’m listening to the songs I always listened to when I was hoping and trusting that He would give me a miracle, and now He has.

You may wonder what I am going on about. It’s my final year result! I finished with a 2.1. Now you may not realise the importance of this, so I will explain it to you.
Because of my history, I have always had some sort of expectation bestowed upon me. I did not really think I would have a problem living up to this expectation, at least where academics are concerned. I’ll like to believe I’m not a dull babe, and school work has never been that much of an issue for me. But somehow, i got majorly distracted, and my grades were on an almost steady decline, for one reason or the other. I’m pretty sure it was because God had said that I will never fail, that’s why I never ended up with a flat zero, or any carry-overs. Trust me, I do not give myself any credit for whatever success I have had, it’s absolutely all God.

Anyway, in my year one, my result was pretty good. Did not quite reach a first class, but along the line, I think hopes of a first class flew out of the window for all of us, so we all strived to maintain, and attain good second class uppers.

In year 2, my result received a big slap! It was the first time we were experiencing law, and the way questions were answered was just weird! But it was a learning process, and even God was rooting for me. I remember my contract exam. It was horrid! Like, I did not remember any cases, everything just flew out of my head! As God would have it, the exam questions leaked, so we had to rewrite it. This time, I was ready. We had to read under the street lights because there was no light in the entire school. I’m sure I would have had a bold zero if we had not redone that exam.

Year 3 was probably the year with the worst results. It’s sad how I cannot look back at that year and remember anything concrete that I did or gained. I was just floating, like a directionless confused human being. My result could best be described as mediocre. Very. One good thing that I can remember now that I think about it is that that was the year I started talking to icicles. Now that was definitely a good thing.

Year 4 was somewhat better. I had good influence, a good man who was always pushing me to work. My results that year were markedly better, except for one course that tried to screw me over. Thank God for God.

Now year 5 is the year I will never ever forget. The first semester was okay, except for yet another course that wanted to mess me up. Second semester was...unbelievable. It had to have been my most turbulent semester, heck, the most turbulent time in my young life! I was such a wreck at some point, it was amazing. I went from being claustrophobic, to sad, to desperate, to depressed, to crazyish... But somehow or the other, God was there with me, every single step of the way, even when I did not know that He was. You know the amazing thing? He started answering my prayers before I really started praying. Like I heard that in my jurisprudence, I had the highest score in the test. When I heard, i was like, what? Are you sure? Cos I did not remember that test being fantastic at all. I remember just sha writing stories, hoping they would make sense. And somehow, they did. And then I remember my Evidence. God had to have sent Prof Osibajo, cos that man is one heck of a lecturer! Because of Him, I understood the topic, and I loved my exam. As in, I actually loved it! It’s one of those papers i think back on fondly! Who does that? I guess I do. Evidence...I will never forget you. And my project. Hmm... I had this ‘wonderful’ lady for my supervisor, the kind that you are afraid to talk too much in her presence in case she gets mad and takes it out on your grade. Mehn, the Lord sha found a way to do it for me. Imagine, she did not look at the final project, she graded based on my past mistakes in the work! She’s one of those people I hope I meet in future, when I’m all rich and powerful , and when she does not have any kind of power over me anymore.
All in all, I had help. The Lord sent me all kinds of help. One major source was Gbonka. I think he will forever be my friend. He was there at my lowest point. He helped me through the project, from the beginning to the end. He was there, hoping with me, believing that i could do it, explaining stuff to me and teaching me when I did not have a clue. My God will bless him abundantly. There were others like Opard, who gave me useful tips, Icicles, who never stopped believing, Enniesams, who had my back all the way, Zibusiso, who made me laugh at times when I would have been crying hard. Even my Dad helped in his own way, cos I never went hungry.
Jehovah did it for me. In spite of my screw-ups, in spite of my sins, in spite of my unfaithfulness. He did it. He heard my prayers and answered them. He did not leave me to my own devises, nor did He punish me for my shortcomings.

Ah Lord, I don’t know what to say really, but i think a heart-felt thank you would suffice.
I give You absolutely all the credit.

Ruminating...

Eternity is so crucial, yet men are so earthly-conscious that they barely give it a thought.

Got me thinking. Heaven, and making it there, is one of those things that we seldom think about. When we do think about it, such thought is accompanied by a burst of emotion, remorse perhaps, as to the way we have been living. But afterwards, such issues are forgotten as we embrace the mundane, and quite frankly, the useless things of this life.

Eternity. Whether we chose to acknowledge it, or consider it, whether we factor it in during gossip sessions, or make-out sessions, it is constant. It exists, mostly in the background, but it exists. It’s like the workings of the body as blood flows, as the spinal cord and the brain work together. It’s like the workings of the sun as it balances out the atmosphere, the workings of air has it moves in and out, here and there. We do not acknowledge it, until something happens, and it decides to show itself. We are so careless to assume that there is some eternal mercy that we are entitled to, some timeline somewhere which allows us to do things at our own time, as we wish. What we don’t realise is that ‘our own time’ is God simply cutting us some slack, yet again, because of the love which we totally do not deserve, but constantly take advantage of.
So I’m thinking about these things, thinking about my life and the things that may disqualify me from spending eternity with the Father. Thinking about how I need to really work on my relationship with God, and how I have to really let go.
Let go? Surely you are sick of that subject, dear non-existent followers. I certainly am. And I thought, or at least hoped that I was making good progress with that. After all, I’m now generally on my own, with the other party managing without my presence in any form or fashion. But I found today, with the most annoying realisation, that the progress I was somewhat proud of, was probably just a time-lapse, or the clamour of more pressing issues. How else will I explain the intensity with which I pursued and thought of the most mundane thing today? I amuse myself sometimes, the way I carry on. I know what I must do. I started already. It’s the other part that seems so difficult. Maybe it’s because I have never done it before, and I never thought I’d have to do it. Maybe it’s just the way I am. I really don’t know. But when I finally get to that point, will I feel different? Certainly. In some ways, I look forward to it. In other ways, I hope it happens differently.

I hear that your love, if you let it go, and it comes back, then it’s back to stay. I just have to familiarise myself with the possibility that it may not come back.

thinking out loud...

‘You are lazy. You’ll never amount to anything’

This is what a father told his kid.

Kinda makes me wonder about things. Like who gives a human being the right to verbally degrade and reduce another human being. Does the fact that a person is a parent give him/her the privilege to destroy the life of the child? Because the way I see it, a parent is a custodian. He has a duty, not a right, to bring up the child. But people often believe that because they give someone else their money, this automatically confers the authority to talk as they wish. Such a sad mentality. I mean, if its about the money, then anybody can give money. Or, i can pay you back every dime you ever spent on me, once I am old enough and buoyant enough. But parenting can’t be just about that. I imagine that the way God designed it, the custodian- parent, is supposed to teach the child, and guide the child, train him to live successfully in a world which he is unfamiliar with.

So how do you train a child that you have decided tell that he won’t make it in life?
Why do people, not just parents, decide to break other people down with words? Why would you call your impressionable child all sorts of names, feed his mind with the false sense that he cannot become great? Why do you open your mouth and call another person horrible names, like retard, or imbecile, or moron, like you designed the person and you have a say in his make-up or his future?

Perhaps its because we feel that we are justified, like a parent who thinks, heck, i give him food, clothes, shelter, so I can say whatever the hell I want. Or the person who views himself on a higher pedestal, whether financially, intellectually or spiritually, so when the ‘lower beings’ mess up, its his 'God-given right' to point out their flaws.

Its all the same you see, it’s all verbal abuse. Whether it be in the form of ‘correction’ (which is more accurately destruction), or it is in a fit of rage, or justified indignation, it’s all the same.
No one has the right to make anyone feel like less of a human being. The only person that has that right is the creator of the human being, and even He won’t do that. No one has the right to oppress another person, because he happens to be on a higher echelon, whether by age, or class, status or intellect. No one has the right to belittle another person, whether in his presence or behind his back. Imagine a girl whose boyfriend repeatedly cheats on her, to her knowledge, telling someone else that the other person is too disgusting to be in her clique! See me see wahala o! Its almost laughable, mostly pitiable.
I find that the people most willing to bring others down are those who have hurts they are trying hard to disguise, those who are constantly mocked by their own imperfections, so they try to focus on those imperfections they see or manufacture in others.
The Bible says that the tongue, though a little member, is a flame of fire, a world of wickedness. Everyone talks so recklessly, spewing forth words that they don’t really understand, which they cannot take back, breaking down the esteem of others, creating deadly impressions and mind-sets.

I guess this is just something that really gets to me, and I felt the need to blog about it. Nobody is justified, or allowed to destroy another person with words. Nobody.

By the way, that kid, by any standard, is now a very successful doctor, much more successful than his father was, or is.

Dinner...

So this blog is kind of back-dated. I started it on the morning after, but did not quite finish it. I think its fine now...

5:35a.m

Its the morning after the dinner. While sensible people are still sleeping, or just about to wake up, I am just about to hit the sack. But before i do, i must chronicle my final year dinner experience, cos it was quite out of the ordinary.

So, after much stress, preparations and money spent, September 9 finally arrives. Final year dinner. There’s the buzz of excitement which reaches its crescendo in the evening. As I prepare with my friends, I await the arrival of my two dates. Yes, I did in fact have two dates. Two delightful young men who made the evening quite fun.
One of them came earlier in the day so we could plan for proper transportation. Apparently he does not drive at night anymore because of a near-death experience he had on third mainland bridge. I saw the photos of the wrecked car. Thank God for His protection. And for seat-belts.

Anyways, my outfit was generally simple. Quite elegant. My sister has great taste. The make up and the hair were the main wow factors, because I managed to look quite different, but not outrageously different. I liked the effect, and I thank God it worked out well.

As I had suspected would happen, my dates arrived later than planned. They were hanging out with high school friends, i just knew they would have too much fun and forget the time. But we were not that late, because the event had not really started when we got there.

The dinner was generally boring, as all dinners are prone to be. But i had a grand time laughing with my friends, and i did not regret bringing my dates at all, because they made it all so much fun. Without them, it would have been quite a drag. The mood improved a bit though, after the food and some more artistes came to perform. Spirit mode was present, and i still wish he had stuck to his fantastic krumping because the rap was ill suited for that event, not that the microphones were helping matters at all. Mongs got quite excited at the end and he felt the urge to dance. My, was he entertaining. I laughed so much, and somehow, his dancing grew quite likeable. Good thing i caught some of it on video. Did i mention that i tried some of their beer? In my mind, i was feeling quite adventurous, so i took a sip, then a gulp, then another gulp. Nasty stuff. Oyewalls, in all his ‘wisdom’, explained to me the dynamics of the beer. It still don’t mean i will be trying it again. I was glad my friends blended quite nicely. They were jolly and interesting and fun to talk to. Good stuff.

Now the height of my adventurousness. Mongs felt the need to party, since he was always busy most times, so somehow, with ekwi’s support, we stayed for the after party. It is quite safe to say that this was my first and last club party. Goodness, the club was packed, hot, smokey, the dj was dulling, we were tired...that cannot be my life on the regular. To think that some people do that every week! It was not totally bad. I had some fun dancing to select music and watching Mongs, but after a while i had more fun hanging with GB and talking with oyewalls. We had a very interesting conversation, perhaps the highlight of the whole afterparty experience. Turns out that we went to the same primary school as well, and he was the head boy, a year ahead of me. That explains why i did not remember all this. We talked about alot of good stuff, and when my feet were hurting like heck, we went to sit. Then i dozed a bit before it was time to leave. Suffice it to say, it was a very interesting dinner, i had fun, even got some good news which i cannot share until it is complete.
I decided to put something down before I go to bed. I am positively worn out, and my finger hurts.
Class of ’10 Law Dinner. It has come, it has gone. Thank God.

Forging my own way

This isn’t how I planned to start this piece. But lets just say something happened, and things changed.

I can feel it. The weight of guilt trying to close in on me. It is somewhat unfounded, because that which I feel guilty about was not really my doing, but then again, maybe it was. Maybe with a little more thought, and a little more foresight, it could have been avoided. But the feeling is there none the less. Its that feeling that crops up when i think too much, or when i see something that hurts me deeply, and makes me sad. *sigh* oh well, i guess i’ll have to ride this one out, and hope that it will pass.

I have been learning stuff. like how to understand myself, you see. i find that the best way to understand yourself is to watch carefully, take note of those things that are constant in you. I find that it’s not a one-off thing, like one reaction to a particular event. It has to be relatively constant, so that eventually, you can forge a position and know what is what. Yes, i have been studying myself. and i have seen how certain things spark particular reactions in me. It has been a very...enlightening period in my life.

I’m really glad i met up with Oyewallz again, for the simple reason that he is a thinker. I have a thing for thinkers you see, because they are very few in the world. Many people just live by the day, not caring for tomorrow. But thinkers, they care for deeper things. His is a brand of thinking that makes me consider my own life, and what i am doing with it. He does it in such a fun manner, such that you get the point, but you go back to really consider stuff.

I have never really thought about forging my own way, making something concrete out of my own life. Obviously i have the general desire for success, but nothing very specific, nothing extremely practical. But yesterday, after i witnessed something that kind of annoyed me, i realised that maybe the time has come. I’m not talking about some grand scheme of independence where i don’t rely on my family or whatever. I’m talking about taking proper responsibility for my life. Not being so dependent on anyone but God. I’m talking about responsibility to family, personal responsibility to God and my future. I’m talking about ceasing to depend on anyone but God for my state of mind. I’m talking about making a life, and a living, for myself.

I love my profession. I only began to realise this fully in my final year, second semester, when i could think clearly enough. I love the opportunities, the versatility, the strategy, the skills i have to acquire. I love the hard work, which oyewallz helped me to appreciate fully. I love the fact that it is practical, it requires careful thought and consideration.

Like i told him, i want to work at a particular place, to prove to myself that i am good enough. I want to have my own life, learn what it means to think for myself and for other people. I want to work on my relationship with God, not because my parents want me to, or against the backdrop of their own efforts, but because i am accountable for my own life, and to my own God.

I want to do all this, so that when the time comes and i have to consider someone else in the scheme of my life, i will not feel like i missed out on living for myself.
It’s time to forge my own way.

Forging my own way

This isn’t how I planned to start this piece. But lets just say something happened, and things changed.
I can feel it. The weight of guilt trying to close in on me. It is somewhat unfounded, because that which I feel guilty about was not really my doing, but then again, maybe it was. Maybe with a little more thought, and a little more foresight, it could have been avoided. But the feeling is there none the less. Its that feeling that crops up when i think too much, or when i see something that hurts me deeply, and makes me sad. *sigh* oh well, i guess i’ll have to ride this one out, and hope that it will pass.
i have been learning stuff. like how to understand myself, you see. i find that the best way to understand yourself is to watch carefully, take note of those things that are constant in you. I find that it’s not a one-off thing, like one reaction to a particular event. It has to be relatively constant, so that eventually, you can forge a position and know what is what. Yes, i have been studying myself. and i have seen how certain things spark particular reactions in me. It has been a very...enlightening period in my life.
I’m really glad i met up with Oyewallz again, for the simple reason that he is a thinker. I have a thing for thinkers you see, because they are very few in the world. Many people just live by the day, not caring for tomorrow. But thinkers, they care for deeper things. His is a brand of thinking that makes me consider my own life, and what i am doing with it. He does it in such a fun manner, such that you get the point, but you go back to really consider.
I have never really thought about forging my own way, making something concrete out of my own life. Obviously i have the general desire for success, but nothing very specific, nothing extremely practical. But yesterday, after i witnessed something that kind of annoyed me, i realised that maybe the time has come. I’m not talking about some grand scheme of independence where i don’t rely on my family or whatever. I’m talking about taking proper responsibility for my life. Not being so dependent on anyone but God. I’m talking about responsibility to family, personal responsibility to God and my future. I’m talking about ceasing to depend on anyone but God for my state of mind. I’m talking about making a life, and a living, for myself.
I love my profession. I only began to realise this fully in my final year, second semester, when i could think clearly enough. I love the opportunities, the versatility, the strategy, the skills i have to acquire. I love the hard work, which oyewallz helped me to appreciate fully. I love the fact that it is practical, it requires careful thought and consideration.
Like i told him, i want to work at a particular place, to prove to myself that i am good enough. I want to have my own life, learn what it means to think for myself and for other people. I want to work on my relationship with God, not because my parents want me to, or against the backdrop of their own efforts, but because i am accountable for my own life, and to my own God.
I want to do all this, so that when the time comes and i have to consider someone else in the scheme of my life, i will not feel like i missed out on living for myself.
It’s time to forge my own way.