Need

We tend to use words sometimes, words which their meaning we do not fully grasp, or their implication. I once explained to someone what I thought a need meant. I think my reasoning is somewhat different now.

When you say you need someone, it transcends merely wanting them around, or enjoying their company. At the point where I begin to need you, it ceases to be a conscious decision, or a willing response. It becomes a matter of necessity. I think that illustrates itself in my relationship with a friend, who perhaps decided that he did not want my friendship anymore. The way I see it, if you really need someone, or something, it would take a force greater than you to change it. If you can change it on your own, then you never really needed that person/thing. You merely wanted it, and after a while, you decided it really wasn't worth it anymore.

When I told you two years ago, and many times after that, that I needed you, It meant that your necessity in my life was no more by mere choice. You became a part of my life, a part that I could not just shake off. You became a part that situations and circumstances could not remove, a part that I could not really do without. You became a part of me. This explains why as hard as I try, I cannot be indifferent, I cannot not care. As vehemently as I might deny, you are the reason why I would do, or not do, certain things. Because somewhere along the line, you transcended the point of being a mere want, to a deep need.

The ramblings of a 21 year old, in love, in need.