Many times in the last few days i have dreamed about how i would write this blog. I have thought about the title to give it, the end it will have, the form it will take. Now i have reason to write, i have so much to share, and a lot to learn.
In June or July of this year, can't remember exactly when, in the darkest period of my life, I wondered to myself, what will I remember my 21st year for? Will the pain of my experience overshadow any good thing that I may have gone through? Will the most poignant memory be one of misery? I did not want that to be my case, afterall, 21 comes around once in a lifetime. So i set out to partake in some activity or the other, things that were fun, that i could remember. Unfortunately, i was unable to sustain my interest in them, and somehow, life just moved along. I did not realise that God had other plans, and He was about to push me in the right direction, which i was too lazy and scattered to find on my own.
As I write, God has become more real to me than He ever was. He isn't just the Supreme being in the sky that you have to serve for the sake of eternity and consequences. He is MY God, my Lord, my very best friend, The bestest Dad a person could ever have, and He was setting up for me an experience that would perhaps change the direction of my life.
As usual, it was in the most unusual, unexpected and least thought of way. He has made it quite clear that i cannot predict Him. I cannot teach Him how He will do what He will do, I can try to imagine how things will turn out from now till the end of time, It don't mean it will ever happen my way. So I'm learning to stop wasting precious thought space, and to dwell more on useful things that i have some control over.
Law school postings came out. I totally took for granted the fact that it could very well not work out the way i planned. i mean i had done everything that i thought would secure my choice, if precedence was anything to go by. But precedence this year was a grand disappointment, because things were quite different. Not only had the posting been contracted out, it would appear my reasons were not given a moment's glance. I will not forget in a hurry how aghast i was when i saw the online receipt for the first time. it was like panic, in one of the ways I alone know how to panic. I called all those callable, i called my mother, and then i prayed. Hard. Anyways, the moment i started to suspect that the Lord had some kinda hand in it was when it occurred to my Ma to just ask this lady about it. Turned out that the lady knew someone who was asking why she did not speak up about it since. The man was willing to help, but he was taking his blessed time! So when people were busy registering, i was busy building my faith.
Faith is a wonderful thing, so wonderful that certain factors don't want you to have it. Factors like fear, doubt, unbelief. The biggest point that tried to snag me was this. God can do it, fine, but will He? What if He has some grand plan for you someplace else. Those thoughts that are the enemy's round-a-bout way of stealing your faith. Like what if you are not meant to stay in moremi, cos there's a plan for you in the dirty, chocked up new hall? What if you are meant to get a 2.2 so that you can reach out to someone, or some such bull. What if this,what if that. Second guessing God, imagining He has some other plan, and ultimately not believing.
Brilliant point shey?
Only that God does not ask us to do any of that. All He says is, fear not. Only believe. All things are possible to him that believes. Ask and you will receive. I will help you. If you trust Me, you will not be put to shame. That's what the Master says.
So i struggled to believe. Struggled not to panic. The moment i saw God really looking out for me was when i went to church, and the preacher spoke on looking up to Jesus. i thought, seriously? Why today, when i was coming to this church, and i coulda gone someplace else, or he could have come another day? I don't believe much in coincidences, and everything the man said hit the nail on the head. And after that, everytime i turned on the t.v, i would come across something on faith, on not doubting, on trusting God. It was amazing.
Then at some point, i decided that maybe Enugu was not such a bad idea. It would be a different experience, and there were fun people there anyways. But my mum said to talk to the nice lady again. the lady said Lagos was the first, and the best campus. So i started waiting again. I struggled. Had headaches, took malaria drugs. I cried. felt bad, wondered why i did not pay much attention when i could have.
I also realised that this was God calling my attention to Him. This was Him saying, kid, you need Me to succeed in this life. He was telling me that He was God, unlike any other, with great plans for my life, and all i had to do was trust and praise. My Open Heavens was on point. like i would open a page that talked about faith being able to turn a no from God to a yes. How wise people praise God to the point where He moves for them. How faith changes everything. How vain the help of man is.
And God showed Himself. In ways that i had not imagined. He showed that as rickety as my faith was, He was still there, helping me, waiting for me to come to my senses all along. He showed me that there are certain things you should not waste your time thinking about, like things you cannot change. Focusing your energy on the things you can do about a situation is so much better. Like prayer. Like faith. He is the burden nearer. looking up to Him is the best way to live.
So He gave me my experience. That which hopefully will shape my outlook on life and the way i handle stuff. My God reigns. He is totally awesome. and His mercies are...more than we can ever understand.
Thank you dear Lord. Thank you.
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