Saying things as they are...

I am tall.

I've never really thought about it. I always knew I was tall, people would wonder at how tall I am. But I haven't actually thought of myself as tall...until recently. I told a friend I was about 6 ft tall. He was awed. I was pleased.
Now I'm gonna state things as they are. It may come off as blowing my own trumpet, but don't get it twisted. It really is just the way it is....lol...

I'm a tall black woman, the only one of my kind. I cause some to wonder, others to cower.
I'm beautiful, with a large forehead, lovely lips, liquid eyes.
Those eyes...they carry many expressions, many emotions.
Those lips...full of deep secrets...quite a puzzle...yes they are.
I have a marvellous frame....exquisitely crafted.
Broad toned shoulders, long arms, big brown legs. I have plains in the proper places, and magnificent curves to compliment them.

I forgot who I was, this wondrous creation of a phenomenal God. I met a vessel, and the only words she ever spoke to me were, 'Stand tall, be proud'.

I am a tall black woman, with deep rooted passions buried under the shroud of modesty. I am a woman of means, a woman of wit, a woman of candour. There is none like me, none that can be me. I am the show-case of divine power, a product of incomparable design.

I am me. black. strong. woman. me.

One step closer to this dream of mine...

Day 1, SCP

Mr Dapo is the first oga around, and our group leader is late.
Finally we are all in...all 11 of us, plus a prospective other to make us 12...double the amount they had to deal with last time...hehehe...
Mr Dapo comes for the introduction. And quite an introduction it is. We shall work ehn? I would squirm on a normal day, seeing that exam-related work still awaits me. But this is what I want. So how to make it work is the question.
Debola comes to show us the ropes. Deji comes to show us another angle of the ropes. Then we go to our office...at least the number of us that can fit into it.
Wait...our number might just be a good thing...two days off...two whole days!!! There is a God in heaven.
So knowing that closing time is at 6, its off to work with me. You hardly even know when its 6 o clock in this place...people don't ever seem to be ready to leave. But my Ma's incessant calls bring me back to reality..its getting late, and it looks like rain!
So I step out of the office, and the clouds are very angry...
Lord please hold the rain...but apparently Jehovah had other plans. The first drop hits me...oh dear..I haven't even gotten a bike yet. When I eventually get one at a ridiculous price, its raining now. Like proper rain. And my only protection is my pashmina. By golly, the rain feels like pins of ice pricking my skin.
*sigh*..one step closer to this dream of mine. Lord please I cannot fall sick on my first day. This is what I want, so its okay...sacrifice for the dream, all of that.
I finally get to the bus park, and I am pretty soaked. Then there's a queue...fantastic. Thankfully the rain has let up, and as I stand on the queue I dry off a tiny bit. But alas! My only source of warmth is now very cold. Into the a/c bus I go, and I only hope the Lord takes me home without a dreadful ailment. The bus is cooooold. Attempts to shut the vent were unsuccessful. A most uncomfortable ride, to say the least.
I finally get home at almost 10 o clock, and all I have energy for is warm clothes and my bed.
Great first day, wouldn't you say?

Day2
First day is over and done with. Today, Bimbo asked us to help with research. Somehow 'us' became just 'me', and I spent almost the whole day looking for authorities that seemed non existent! One time when I thought I was making progress, I realised it wasn't that much to work with. Nothing as frustrating as hitting a brick wall.
No worries though, when I settle in properly, these people will have my time.

Day 3
Another library day. Research isn't one of my favourite things, but at this rate it will be my love by force. When am I gonna see Prof. Yemi and Mr. Irukera? They have not been around since I got in. Plus I'm pretty behind on my file quota for the week. At this rate, I won't finish in time, with all these ancilliary duties that keep coming up. Finally, the two geniuses come in...no time to say hi though...they are pretty busy.

Hmm...apparently I won't have to wait till next week to make myself heard. Thanks to Bimbo, and Ikem, and my big mouth, I have a task....*deep breath*...this is it!

All in all, my first week was not bad. Sometimes its surreal...I can't believe I'm here! But thank God I am.
Now every moment must count. All the stress, the rain, the frustration, the work, everything brings me another step closer to this dream of mine...

Thank you Jesus...You are my hope of glory, and its You and me all the way.

Very impromptu, totally random...

I will not pretend like that didn't hurt. Because it did. I'm not superhuman. Not yet anyway. But its okay...really it is. As I type this, and I feel the hurt subside, I know it actually is okay.

I was getting carried away...again. Not exactly hoping against hope like before,I think I'm past that. More like meandering along the edges of self delusion. My best Friend caught it, and He said, 'focus'.

Things are not the same. That's like stating that air is invisible. I am not the same...that's definite. But most important, the things I want are different...yes... Very different.

My mind has moved from the reality of my unrealism, through the carnage of my broken dreams. It has embraced the dark and picked up what's left. My soul has gone through deep waters, overwhelming and destructive, experienced the sting of consequence. But I didn't drown, because of Him. My best friend, whom I smile at, dream about, deeply desire. My desire for Him grows deeper. He did not let me drown. He brought me through the destruction, the fetters I built with my own hands, and He let me feel the stillness of the air, the beauty of silence. That which I thought I had lost, He gave it back to me.

My inconsistency mocks me sometimes, it tears at me, pulling me down. But I can't give up...I won't give up. So much at stake, so much to live for. It would be a shame really, if I did not rise above the shackles that bound me. Why stay bound, when the fetters have been removed? There's a whole new scheme of things waiting for me, a brand new set of hurdles to cross. There is the power that is made available to me, the confidence that no man can give, or take away.

By way of deviation, the whole world seems to be blogging these days. Its okay I guess, an avenue for people to speak their minds and all. I'm not interested in having a public blog though. Let's just say this is my online diary, which a very select few are privy to. Sometimes I read what I put down and I get an outside view of my own inner thoughts..weird no doubt...

Until next time when something annoys me to no end, or a random idea crosses my mind...its farewell...

Criminal litigation beckons.

Double clicking on that 'P' button!

I have come to the rather saddening but not so shocking realisation that we don't have music in this country.

Okay..hold up..let me explain. I acknowledge that this is a rather general statement, and as to all generalisations, I'm sure there exists some exceptions lurking about here and there. However. I am dealing with the rather annoying generality of what we call music in Nigeria, and I am viciously hitting that P button!

It all began one morning, as I was on the bus on my way to work. Apparently there is now 'transit t.v', and it has constituted a nuisance to my peaceful mornings. So on this stunning new invention *i roll my eyes*, all they show is music. Nigerian music. So its either they chose songs to punish us at the crack of dawn, or the options are just very limited. Imagine listening to some ridiculous sex-laden song, devoid of common sense so early in the day! I was irritated beyond measure. So now I plug my ears with my own music most of the time.

This new transit t.v infringing on my freedom of silence opened my eyes to see what exactly we call music in this nation. Now do not get me wrong, I'm not coming from the angle of 'if its not gospel music, its bad music', (even though I'm sure the world would be a much better place if all songs glorified the King of kings). I'm saying that the songs we have these days are totally devoid of talent. There are few, very few exceptions, like the T.y Bellos and the Jodies of this world. But mostly, what we have are a bunch of people recycling the same old junk..its soo predictable. If he's not talking about sex, or money, or booze, she's talking about some old lover boy, or being heartbroken. Seriously people, surely this is not all we think about. It can't be! Because if it is, our generation is in trouble for sure. I know a number of young people, so I'm sure there are individuals who actually reflect on meaningful stuff.

Apart from the content of the songs, there's the type or is it the genre of music. All we have these days sounds like party music. Dance hall. Many many beats, lots of whining and grinding. Why in the world will I want to listen to such noise at 6.30 in the morning? I don't want to! And I doubt a lot of sane people want to. Its like the target of our musicians is to have their songs rocking on the dance floor, or in some hotel room. What happened to nice soothing music that does not involve any booty shaking?

I don't have that much exposure to secular music, but I'm far from ignorant. So a few examples come to mind. John Mayer. Micheal Bubble. Jill Scott. Bruno Mars. These guys could be singing about a love interest, or about something really silly. But they make it so beautiful. They are CREATIVE about it. Theirs is the kind of music that I could listen to on 'by-force t.v'. Because I would not cringe at its lewdity. We need to realise that you don't have to put naked girls on your video to make it pop. 'Nakedity' is all over the place, it don't pop no more. Its old and boring. I'm sure there are some members of the men-folk which may still enjoy it, but hopefully, we also have some intellectual, brilliantly sensible and non-myopic men. Hopefully.

The bottom line of this rant. If transit t.v, and the social media in general, will make it almost unavoidable that I listen to secular music, then by all means, we can have sensible, non-offensive music, at the very least. Let's engage the creative sides of our brain. Let's do something that will leave a mark. Let's try not to get good citizens (like yours truely) pissed off so early in the morning!!! Leave the Dance Hall music where it belongs...in the dance halls.

..i have no idea...

I'm a tired, sleep- deprived, overworked young woman who has come to a rather simple conclusion.

Disobedience has terrible consequences.

No, terrible does not adequately describe it. More like devastating? Mind-shattering? Catastrophic? Take your pick.

All my experience over the past three years...all has led up to this moment. You know that moment of clarity everyone talks about, where the truth stares you in the face and you have absolutely nowhere to hide. That's precisely where I am.

Only problem is, I do not have a clue as to what to do about it.

Its almost amusing, how it can take so long to make a point, or rather, to understand a point. But I finally get it. Its not dem-say, or whatever. My whole being finalyy gets the point. I disobeyed. And now, I am reaping the consequences. Very unpleasant consequences.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with this one. Not a clue. Maybe I'll document my lessons. I don't know.

It took me this long to realise it. When God says you should do something, Its not because He likes to talk. Its because He knows what will happen to you if you don't do it. It isn't Him that will suffer. Noooo....all the appertunances of the experience will land squarely at your feet.

Dayum...now I'm just speechless...

Ah well, it would appear that I have overcome my initial fear of pain. Now I have come to accept that pain is a part of life. On this side of the divide, there is no escaping it. Which makes heaven so much more inviting. Perhaps I should concentrate on leaving those things that don't want me to get there.

Ah...finally...finally, I get it.

*sigh*

Yesterday my friend's mum passed on. Words cannot adequately describe how horrified I was,or how sad I still am.
Her mum had been ill for a while, acute malaria. Dotbabe was so worried, but we all just thought it was malaria, and she just really needed rest. When we heard she had been moved to luth, that should have rung a serious bell.

I happened to find out before she did, and when I saw her, I had to pretend, compel her to eat, see my friend close to 'normal' for the last time.

It still feels like such a bad dream. A part of my mind does not still understand how she could be gone. How can Dotbabe not have her mum anymore? Her Ma that she was so close to, who used to give her stress sometimes, or send her yms that she loved her. How can she not be around anymore.

I won't pretend like I know what she is feeling, because I don't. I cannot imagine it. I try to imagine life without my Ma and it hurts to even think about it. Now my friend has to live it.

I wish there was something I could do to take away all her pain. I wish I could have done something more. I wonder sometimes if I am not being utterly selfish, chasing mediocre things and nursing irrelevant thoughts, when I could be making myself more useful to the world.

At the end of the day, I realise that in this world, we have no rights. We have no entitlements. Anyone who thinks they have a right to live and do whatever they want with their lives, such a person is the biggest fool. Because in this world, everything we have is a gift. Everything. From the air we breathe, to the lungs that take in the air. From the appetite for food to the love of a good mother. Everything is a gift, and we cannot question the Giver when He says it is time for it to be taken away.

My heart aches for the pain that my friend is going through. I ache even more that I cannot do anything about it,other than to beseech God on their behalf.

I have had enough bad news and sorrow to last a lifetime. No more dear Lord. Please, no more.

2011: Food,Food,Food!!!

So, I'm wondering what my first blog in 2011 should be about.
Food.
I like to eat. These days though, eating has been rather erratic. I think sometimes I eat too much, then other times I don't eat enough. But I have my Ma's genes, so when I have had too much, the food in my body directs itself to the right place. No excess flabs or nothing. All I need to see myself and smile.

Anyways, that's for the physical food I let myself eat. There's mind food as well. That kind of food which no one really pays attention to. But then again, the world hardly pays attention to what's relevant.

I've spiced up my diet a bit. My mind food has been reorganised, and I can tell because it reflects in my body. I mean when I eat properly in the morning, I actually think better, feel better. When I don't, I feel starved, out of place.

There's so much to do this year, so little time. So much to achieve, many hurdles to cross. Its exciting, and a little scary when I realise that I don't know much of what I need to know. I mean a few days ago I was staring at the past questions and thinking... Seriously? I almost didn't know jack. But this is law school mehn. 1 shot. Hit or Miss. And for me, it's gonna be a slam-dunk, or nothing at all.

So I'm trying to eat better. Because there's nothing worse that crap mind food. Its the worst thing. I can feel the difference anytime I fall back, and I can't believe I used to wallow in that stuff. Now I'm working hard to stay out.

The Bible is, unarguably, the best book in the world. The only person that would argue is the person that has not experienced it. I mean it has some really deep stuff...The book of proverbs is sooo on point. To think I've had it all this time and I've been dulling.

My goal this year is simple really. Wisdom. Knowledge. Understanding. It don't get no simpler than that.

MissOluwaboba is back. And its slam-dunks all the way...

Here's to good food...Let's eat to life!