..i have no idea...

I'm a tired, sleep- deprived, overworked young woman who has come to a rather simple conclusion.

Disobedience has terrible consequences.

No, terrible does not adequately describe it. More like devastating? Mind-shattering? Catastrophic? Take your pick.

All my experience over the past three years...all has led up to this moment. You know that moment of clarity everyone talks about, where the truth stares you in the face and you have absolutely nowhere to hide. That's precisely where I am.

Only problem is, I do not have a clue as to what to do about it.

Its almost amusing, how it can take so long to make a point, or rather, to understand a point. But I finally get it. Its not dem-say, or whatever. My whole being finalyy gets the point. I disobeyed. And now, I am reaping the consequences. Very unpleasant consequences.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with this one. Not a clue. Maybe I'll document my lessons. I don't know.

It took me this long to realise it. When God says you should do something, Its not because He likes to talk. Its because He knows what will happen to you if you don't do it. It isn't Him that will suffer. Noooo....all the appertunances of the experience will land squarely at your feet.

Dayum...now I'm just speechless...

Ah well, it would appear that I have overcome my initial fear of pain. Now I have come to accept that pain is a part of life. On this side of the divide, there is no escaping it. Which makes heaven so much more inviting. Perhaps I should concentrate on leaving those things that don't want me to get there.

Ah...finally...finally, I get it.