*sigh*

Yesterday my friend's mum passed on. Words cannot adequately describe how horrified I was,or how sad I still am.
Her mum had been ill for a while, acute malaria. Dotbabe was so worried, but we all just thought it was malaria, and she just really needed rest. When we heard she had been moved to luth, that should have rung a serious bell.

I happened to find out before she did, and when I saw her, I had to pretend, compel her to eat, see my friend close to 'normal' for the last time.

It still feels like such a bad dream. A part of my mind does not still understand how she could be gone. How can Dotbabe not have her mum anymore? Her Ma that she was so close to, who used to give her stress sometimes, or send her yms that she loved her. How can she not be around anymore.

I won't pretend like I know what she is feeling, because I don't. I cannot imagine it. I try to imagine life without my Ma and it hurts to even think about it. Now my friend has to live it.

I wish there was something I could do to take away all her pain. I wish I could have done something more. I wonder sometimes if I am not being utterly selfish, chasing mediocre things and nursing irrelevant thoughts, when I could be making myself more useful to the world.

At the end of the day, I realise that in this world, we have no rights. We have no entitlements. Anyone who thinks they have a right to live and do whatever they want with their lives, such a person is the biggest fool. Because in this world, everything we have is a gift. Everything. From the air we breathe, to the lungs that take in the air. From the appetite for food to the love of a good mother. Everything is a gift, and we cannot question the Giver when He says it is time for it to be taken away.

My heart aches for the pain that my friend is going through. I ache even more that I cannot do anything about it,other than to beseech God on their behalf.

I have had enough bad news and sorrow to last a lifetime. No more dear Lord. Please, no more.