I will not pretend like that didn't hurt. Because it did. I'm not superhuman. Not yet anyway. But its okay...really it is. As I type this, and I feel the hurt subside, I know it actually is okay.
I was getting carried away...again. Not exactly hoping against hope like before,I think I'm past that. More like meandering along the edges of self delusion. My best Friend caught it, and He said, 'focus'.
Things are not the same. That's like stating that air is invisible. I am not the same...that's definite. But most important, the things I want are different...yes... Very different.
My mind has moved from the reality of my unrealism, through the carnage of my broken dreams. It has embraced the dark and picked up what's left. My soul has gone through deep waters, overwhelming and destructive, experienced the sting of consequence. But I didn't drown, because of Him. My best friend, whom I smile at, dream about, deeply desire. My desire for Him grows deeper. He did not let me drown. He brought me through the destruction, the fetters I built with my own hands, and He let me feel the stillness of the air, the beauty of silence. That which I thought I had lost, He gave it back to me.
My inconsistency mocks me sometimes, it tears at me, pulling me down. But I can't give up...I won't give up. So much at stake, so much to live for. It would be a shame really, if I did not rise above the shackles that bound me. Why stay bound, when the fetters have been removed? There's a whole new scheme of things waiting for me, a brand new set of hurdles to cross. There is the power that is made available to me, the confidence that no man can give, or take away.
By way of deviation, the whole world seems to be blogging these days. Its okay I guess, an avenue for people to speak their minds and all. I'm not interested in having a public blog though. Let's just say this is my online diary, which a very select few are privy to. Sometimes I read what I put down and I get an outside view of my own inner thoughts..weird no doubt...
Until next time when something annoys me to no end, or a random idea crosses my mind...its farewell...
Criminal litigation beckons.
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