I got this song yesterday, and I can't get myself to stop listening to it. Because it fits. It fits perfectly.
Sin and its ways grow old
All of my heart turns to stone
And I'm left with no strength to arise
I need to be lifted high.
Sin and its ways lead to pain
Left here with hurt and shame
So no longer will I leave Your side
Jesus You be lifted high
You be lifted high
You be lifted high
You be lifted high in my life Oh God
And I fall to my knees so its You that they see not I
Jesus You be lifted high.
And even now that I'm inside Your hands
Help me not to grow prideful again
Don't let me forsake sarcrifice
Jesus You be lifted high
And if I'm blessed with the riches of keys
How could I ever think that it was me
For You brought me from darkness to light
Jesus You be lifted high
You be lifted high...
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Monday Morning Blues...
The weekend is over. And it was semi-wasted. Because I allowed someone else use their bad choices to spoil it for me. I let my guard down, and I was burnt. Burnt is a bit of an understatement.
I don't blame anyone. I take responsibility. Because I knocked on the door and presented myself happily, with a wide grin and a placard that said, 'Feel free to take me for a fool'.
Isn't this just the wrongest time...well, rubbish hardly ever occurs at the right time. Is there really a right time for rubbish?
I don't even know which hurt the most, the fact that it was from the most unexpected source, or the fact that I let it happen. I hoped so badly that I was wrong, that I was being ridiculous,and I would be reprimanded for even considering it. But it just goes to show that there's not much of a point putting anyone of any kind of mental pedestal. They'll just disappoint you to high heavens. There's a reason God said,that cursed is the man who puts his trust in man. Even if its on the simplest level, the result is just hurt. And hurt. And more hurt.
Well, that marks the end of that episode. Tis time to keep on keeping on. Those books won't read themselves.
Happy Birthday to the newest ray of sunshine that has brightened my life...I love you in a way the world will never understand, and I wish you all the beautiful things God has planned for you...
I don't blame anyone. I take responsibility. Because I knocked on the door and presented myself happily, with a wide grin and a placard that said, 'Feel free to take me for a fool'.
Isn't this just the wrongest time...well, rubbish hardly ever occurs at the right time. Is there really a right time for rubbish?
I don't even know which hurt the most, the fact that it was from the most unexpected source, or the fact that I let it happen. I hoped so badly that I was wrong, that I was being ridiculous,and I would be reprimanded for even considering it. But it just goes to show that there's not much of a point putting anyone of any kind of mental pedestal. They'll just disappoint you to high heavens. There's a reason God said,that cursed is the man who puts his trust in man. Even if its on the simplest level, the result is just hurt. And hurt. And more hurt.
Well, that marks the end of that episode. Tis time to keep on keeping on. Those books won't read themselves.
Happy Birthday to the newest ray of sunshine that has brightened my life...I love you in a way the world will never understand, and I wish you all the beautiful things God has planned for you...
Monday, June 27, 2011
Ironu okan mi...
Started out with a head full of plans and a heart full of dreams.
Wisdom was the great goal, the biggest achievement, the principal thing.
The present position looks like nothing but foolishness.
Is this the final destination, or just a bend in the road?
An emotional reaction to a spiritual thing will never work.
No matter how it is panel-beaten, how it is adjusted and justified, it will fade.
Because emotion cannot anchor the spiritual. It is simply too weak. It can only
compliment, after the anchor is sure.
So when then shall I ditch this tirade of emotions? It has become old really.
Now I want results. Plain, simple, elegant results.
*sigh*... Emotions don't make me faithful to the end. They only laugh at me when I fall. For the umpteenth time.
So who exactly is running this joint? Me? Or my emotions?
Well, we are about to find out...
Wisdom was the great goal, the biggest achievement, the principal thing.
The present position looks like nothing but foolishness.
Is this the final destination, or just a bend in the road?
An emotional reaction to a spiritual thing will never work.
No matter how it is panel-beaten, how it is adjusted and justified, it will fade.
Because emotion cannot anchor the spiritual. It is simply too weak. It can only
compliment, after the anchor is sure.
So when then shall I ditch this tirade of emotions? It has become old really.
Now I want results. Plain, simple, elegant results.
*sigh*... Emotions don't make me faithful to the end. They only laugh at me when I fall. For the umpteenth time.
So who exactly is running this joint? Me? Or my emotions?
Well, we are about to find out...
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The End.
(This is probably the most abstract thing I have written yet...but to those who know me, it is probably not so abstract...it's random stuff that jumped into my head, when I realised that i actually may have gotten to the end of this road I had been struggling with for a while. And it feels so darn good!!! :) *now doing backflips in my head*...loool... *and now comporting myself*...oya read the thoughts in my head, put down on paper...)
Finally.
All I can do as I stand at the finish line is breathe. The air is so much cleaner on this side. I think about moving. Taking a step forward. But not yet. Right now all I want is to be still. To bask in the victory. I think I have that right. Not necessarily because I earned it. No. It was given to me. And as I hold on to it with my soul, all I can do is breathe.
The air is warm and clean. Unfamiliar. So very beautiful. it brings tears to my eyes, laughter to my lips. I'm not sure which to do first, so I do both. I'm at the finish line. I'm done. Nothing can take me back now. I'll rather die than go back.
I smile through my tears as I remember the final step. It was the weirdest thing. I would have been surprised if it was anything short of that. I live, breathe, speak weird. Its quite alright. Quite alright. But I love it. Every word spoken, every laugh, every thought. I love it. I'm glad I am not alone in my strange beauty. So very glad.
Is it time to move? Not yet. I savor the ambience of this moment. The End. And then the beginning. I cannot get enough. I can't believe it's me, here, now. I came out on the other side. Free. I love it!
Okay..before the world thinks I'm crazy, which they already do I'm sure...lets stop this crazy talk...they can't understand, not really...
Not yet though..first,a little dance to the Captain of my salvation...
Thank you so much Lord...I finally understand...Thank you...
Finally.
All I can do as I stand at the finish line is breathe. The air is so much cleaner on this side. I think about moving. Taking a step forward. But not yet. Right now all I want is to be still. To bask in the victory. I think I have that right. Not necessarily because I earned it. No. It was given to me. And as I hold on to it with my soul, all I can do is breathe.
The air is warm and clean. Unfamiliar. So very beautiful. it brings tears to my eyes, laughter to my lips. I'm not sure which to do first, so I do both. I'm at the finish line. I'm done. Nothing can take me back now. I'll rather die than go back.
I smile through my tears as I remember the final step. It was the weirdest thing. I would have been surprised if it was anything short of that. I live, breathe, speak weird. Its quite alright. Quite alright. But I love it. Every word spoken, every laugh, every thought. I love it. I'm glad I am not alone in my strange beauty. So very glad.
Is it time to move? Not yet. I savor the ambience of this moment. The End. And then the beginning. I cannot get enough. I can't believe it's me, here, now. I came out on the other side. Free. I love it!
Okay..before the world thinks I'm crazy, which they already do I'm sure...lets stop this crazy talk...they can't understand, not really...
Not yet though..first,a little dance to the Captain of my salvation...
Thank you so much Lord...I finally understand...Thank you...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
June thoughts...
Its the month of June
Thank you Lord God, that I am still joined to all the living. So I still have hope. Afterall, a living dog is indeed better than a dead lion. Thank you merciful Lord.
Few things hurt like having to do something you loathe. But in the circumstance, you have no choice. Not in the moment anyway. So you keep doing it, as infrequently as possible, only out of sheer necessity. But you let it propel you to work hard. So that you can be free from that bondage of helplessness. One day,soon, you'll be free. One day, you'll look at him, smile and say, 'Its not necessary. Thanks anyway.'
Speaking of work. The month of June is here. Bar finals. I'm on the precipice of freaking out. Its dawning on me again. That feeling that comprises part-dread, part pity for yourself, part excitment. Pity because I know that sleep has gone from being a luxury to a necessity. It is time to do this. Properly. Cos after the month of June comes the beginning of the end.
Thank you so much Father. I don't know how you put up with me. I am getting sick and tired of me. So I have no idea how You do it. Something has to give. Kai...something has to give.
Good morning, wonderful Captain of my salvation.
Sleep calls...Busy day ahead.
Thank you Lord God, that I am still joined to all the living. So I still have hope. Afterall, a living dog is indeed better than a dead lion. Thank you merciful Lord.
Few things hurt like having to do something you loathe. But in the circumstance, you have no choice. Not in the moment anyway. So you keep doing it, as infrequently as possible, only out of sheer necessity. But you let it propel you to work hard. So that you can be free from that bondage of helplessness. One day,soon, you'll be free. One day, you'll look at him, smile and say, 'Its not necessary. Thanks anyway.'
Speaking of work. The month of June is here. Bar finals. I'm on the precipice of freaking out. Its dawning on me again. That feeling that comprises part-dread, part pity for yourself, part excitment. Pity because I know that sleep has gone from being a luxury to a necessity. It is time to do this. Properly. Cos after the month of June comes the beginning of the end.
Thank you so much Father. I don't know how you put up with me. I am getting sick and tired of me. So I have no idea how You do it. Something has to give. Kai...something has to give.
Good morning, wonderful Captain of my salvation.
Sleep calls...Busy day ahead.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
One step closer to this dream of mine:2
Yesterday was a good day. Stressful, hot, cold, with its own disappointments...a really good day.
We went to Ibadan for a hearing at the appeal court. Myself, Lola, BAI and Doyin. For the fear of being late, I was too early at the pick-up point, but I was just happy I wasn't late. The biggest let-down was that we came all that way, with BAI preparing through the night, only for the Judges to postpone. It was the most insensitive thing. Wasn't like they were so booked for that day. As BAI said, they have no restraint, no consequence. Hence they can do whatever they want. Consequence is the only restraint on human conduct. But Nigeria has little or no sense of that. The Almighty God will judge.
But it wasn't all bad. We went to visit BAI's friend's farm. It was an awesome experience. And to think I was considering putting down my thoughts on my future farm dream, only for me to see one in real life! The land is massive, the work only just beginning. The air was so clean...pure and undiluted, without the fumes of city life. Myself and Lola were totally feeling it. Mr. Jackson took us on a tour. There would be 7 ponds, the orchard, the animal farm. They would rare cattle, grow all manner of things....I loved it! I absolutely loved it. By God's grace, I will be back there. I would love to see everything growing. One day, everything needed for food will be found on the farm. It would be unnecessary to buy anything. It was like a confirmation of this dream of mine. That was the highlight of yesterday for me.
I also got to see BAI's house when we dropped him at home. And quite a house it is! A true beauty. He has a lovely family, and I couldn't help praying that God would keep them together, whole, strong, happy and heaven-bound.
What is it about SCP that appeals to me? That makes the stress and the work worthwhile?
It could be because they are different....from another stock...and I can relate to being different.
One step closer to this dream...these dreams of mine.
We went to Ibadan for a hearing at the appeal court. Myself, Lola, BAI and Doyin. For the fear of being late, I was too early at the pick-up point, but I was just happy I wasn't late. The biggest let-down was that we came all that way, with BAI preparing through the night, only for the Judges to postpone. It was the most insensitive thing. Wasn't like they were so booked for that day. As BAI said, they have no restraint, no consequence. Hence they can do whatever they want. Consequence is the only restraint on human conduct. But Nigeria has little or no sense of that. The Almighty God will judge.
But it wasn't all bad. We went to visit BAI's friend's farm. It was an awesome experience. And to think I was considering putting down my thoughts on my future farm dream, only for me to see one in real life! The land is massive, the work only just beginning. The air was so clean...pure and undiluted, without the fumes of city life. Myself and Lola were totally feeling it. Mr. Jackson took us on a tour. There would be 7 ponds, the orchard, the animal farm. They would rare cattle, grow all manner of things....I loved it! I absolutely loved it. By God's grace, I will be back there. I would love to see everything growing. One day, everything needed for food will be found on the farm. It would be unnecessary to buy anything. It was like a confirmation of this dream of mine. That was the highlight of yesterday for me.
I also got to see BAI's house when we dropped him at home. And quite a house it is! A true beauty. He has a lovely family, and I couldn't help praying that God would keep them together, whole, strong, happy and heaven-bound.
What is it about SCP that appeals to me? That makes the stress and the work worthwhile?
It could be because they are different....from another stock...and I can relate to being different.
One step closer to this dream...these dreams of mine.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saying things as they are...
I am tall.
I've never really thought about it. I always knew I was tall, people would wonder at how tall I am. But I haven't actually thought of myself as tall...until recently. I told a friend I was about 6 ft tall. He was awed. I was pleased.
Now I'm gonna state things as they are. It may come off as blowing my own trumpet, but don't get it twisted. It really is just the way it is....lol...
I'm a tall black woman, the only one of my kind. I cause some to wonder, others to cower.
I'm beautiful, with a large forehead, lovely lips, liquid eyes.
Those eyes...they carry many expressions, many emotions.
Those lips...full of deep secrets...quite a puzzle...yes they are.
I have a marvellous frame....exquisitely crafted.
Broad toned shoulders, long arms, big brown legs. I have plains in the proper places, and magnificent curves to compliment them.
I forgot who I was, this wondrous creation of a phenomenal God. I met a vessel, and the only words she ever spoke to me were, 'Stand tall, be proud'.
I am a tall black woman, with deep rooted passions buried under the shroud of modesty. I am a woman of means, a woman of wit, a woman of candour. There is none like me, none that can be me. I am the show-case of divine power, a product of incomparable design.
I am me. black. strong. woman. me.
I've never really thought about it. I always knew I was tall, people would wonder at how tall I am. But I haven't actually thought of myself as tall...until recently. I told a friend I was about 6 ft tall. He was awed. I was pleased.
Now I'm gonna state things as they are. It may come off as blowing my own trumpet, but don't get it twisted. It really is just the way it is....lol...
I'm a tall black woman, the only one of my kind. I cause some to wonder, others to cower.
I'm beautiful, with a large forehead, lovely lips, liquid eyes.
Those eyes...they carry many expressions, many emotions.
Those lips...full of deep secrets...quite a puzzle...yes they are.
I have a marvellous frame....exquisitely crafted.
Broad toned shoulders, long arms, big brown legs. I have plains in the proper places, and magnificent curves to compliment them.
I forgot who I was, this wondrous creation of a phenomenal God. I met a vessel, and the only words she ever spoke to me were, 'Stand tall, be proud'.
I am a tall black woman, with deep rooted passions buried under the shroud of modesty. I am a woman of means, a woman of wit, a woman of candour. There is none like me, none that can be me. I am the show-case of divine power, a product of incomparable design.
I am me. black. strong. woman. me.
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